Thursday, January 7, 2016

Sadness

SADNESS

Sadness; I’m so tired of sadness permeating through my veins and into my brain.
Sadness; it seems to be a cloud that follows me wherever I go.
Sadness; what’s weird about it is that I really don’t think that way.
I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.

Sadness; I’m so tired of sadness waking me up every morning of every day.
Sadness; it defines me, distracts me and makes me depressed
Sadness; what’s crazy is that I actually do look optimistically at things,
I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.

Sadness; I’m so tired of sadness shadowing every conversation or action or plan
Sadness; it hides behind every smile and every laugh and only I know it.
Sadness; what’s baffling is that I truly love my life and the person I am
I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.

Sadness; I’m so tired of it being a constant subconscious companion and guide
Sadness; it clouds my joy and binds my hopes from becoming realities
Sadness; what’s confusing is that I can still perform and function in life somehow
I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.

Sadness; I’m so tired of not being able to overcome its grip on my soul
Sadness;, it shows itself in weariness and compulsiveness more than in tears
Sadness; what’s amazing is the times it has left  me, whether by sunshine or pills
I’m so grateful, I’m so blessed, and someday, I hope I won’t be so sad.

By Tanya Phillips June 2010



I wrote this 5 1/2 years ago. I still feel this way. I have had good things and bad things happen over that time. I have been blessed. But, even in the up times, I feel like I am shrouded by sadness. I'm so  tired.  But i'm still here. 
I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad. 

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