You Say Selfish I Say Hopeless

YOU SAY SELFISH, I SAY HOPELESS

Robin Williams’ life brought us laughter. His death now brings awareness. Awareness that we never know what is going on inside of another person. His suicide will undoubtedly bring many bloggers to their keyboards to share their opinions on the subjects of depression, suicide, addiction, mental illness, etc. I hate to be one of them, but I haven't written a blog for months. I've been a bit depressed. Today I feel like writing, because I am writing about what I know.

I've heard people say many things about depression, like 'She just needs to snap out of it', or 'He's just using depression as an excuse'. I've heard people say that depression is selfish, that people suffering from depression focus only on themselves and that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness. How could anyone put their family through that, knowing they will be devastated, knowing they will blame themselves?

Depression isn't selfishness. It's guilt on a 24/7 basis; guilt from believing you have let everybody you love down, that you should be doing more, that you failed again. It’s wishing you were a better daughter, husband, sister, employee, Christian, citizen, child, actor, comedian, etc. etc. etc. When you are depressed, everything is your fault. If you were truly selfish, you wouldn't care if it was your fault or not.

But when you are depressed you feel selfish for finally turning inward so much that you can't reach out. Yet, many people suffering from depression do reach out. They are the ones who encourage others, who make them laugh, who say don't give up, while they themselves are discouraged and crying and losing hope on the inside. Sometimes people never even knew their loved one was that depressed until it was too late. The one suffering from depression doesn't always tell you because they don't want you to bear that burden. Or, they know it hurts you to see them depressed, so they pretend they’re not for your sake. That's exhausting. It's easier to just keep it inside and let you think they are lazy or unmotivated when they can barely get out of bed each day. It's easier to make a joke, fake an illness or pretend they are just taking a personal day. Sometimes a depressed person keeps themselves so busy that they can't feel anymore, or so that others can't see how much they hurt inside. Is that being selfish?

How can a successful, rich, well-loved person feel like they have nothing to live for? We can blame it on their addictions, but why do people become addicted in the first place? Many times the addiction is self-medication to deal with the depression. So what does a man like Robin Williams, who most people believe had everything to live for, and say, a homeless drug addict with no friends at all have in common that would cause them each to choose not to go on anymore? Is the answer simply depression?

Depression has many levels; Physical, emotional, spiritual, mental. It affects every fiber of a person's being. Sometimes it can be addressed with medication and therapy. Sometimes it's under the surface, kept at bay, and sometimes it is so heavy that getting out of bed is impossible. Most of the time, it is somewhere in-between. Most people suffering from depression are functional. Some don't even know they have depression. They just feel guilty for their lack of energy or for feeling so sad all the time. They feel like a failure so they try harder to look successful on the outside.

I know what it's like to be depressed and what it feels like not to be depressed anymore. It's like not realizing your eyesight is bad until you put on new glasses and see how bright the colors actually are and how clear the words on the signs are. When you're depressed you don't know the colors have faded and you keep trying harder to read the signs, not realizing there is a physical reason why you have lost direction. Depression is all about trying, trying, trying until you just can't try anymore.

Not everyone who suffers from depression is suicidal. Understanding depression helps. Knowing what it is and what it isn't helps. Knowing that just because you feel sad doesn't mean you believe the world is a sad place. Just because you feel like a failure doesn't mean you really are. Just because you feel ashamed, anxious, responsible, lazy, stupid, crazy, or worthless doesn't mean that it is true. It's the weight of the depression that makes you feel that way, but it doesn't mean you have to believe that way. Depression tends to be one big cloud that covers everything, making everything seem hopeless. Antidepressants and/or therapy can ease those feelings, or at least separate them out so you can look logically at each situation. But it's a constant battle to rise above it, even when you have it under control.

They say a depressed person should talk to somebody. Don't suffer alone. This is very good advice, but if you are going to volunteer yourself to listen to someone who is truly depressed, you need to do just that. Listen. Don't throw out pat answers like, 'You have so much going for you', 'You shouldn't feel that way' or ‘It will all get better soon.’ Depression isn't a feeling. You can't feel better just by thinking better, at least not for long.

You say you want to be there for your friend, family member, coworker or even a stranger who struggles with depression. Here is some advice, from someone who deals with depression daily, even when no one else may realize it. Depression sucks, but you can live with it, as long as you don’t lose hope. That is what a successful person who commits suicide has in common with someone we may consider less successful who commits suicide. They both lost hope. Without hope, there is no vision for the future. Without hope, there are no more plans to make up for the guilt and failure. Without hope there is no end to the sadness that permeates the very essence of their being. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, surrounded by loved ones or alone. No hope is no hope.

So, why don't I talk about my depression to others?

• One, because most of the time I am functioning and I don't think someone would understand if I told them I wished I could curl up in the corner and sleep until the sadness disappears. Admitting depression is embarrassing.
• Two, if I said I felt sad or hopeless I think someone would start telling me all the good things in my life I should be thankful for, like they don't believe I already am.
• Three, that someone will tell me how good I have it compared to their own situation, or their friend's problem or the starving children in Africa. I KNOW people suffer. I feel sad all the time because I know other people suffer. I feel guilty when I feel sorry for myself because I know other people suffer more than me.
• Four, that someone will tell me I just need to buck up, think positive, take a walk, read my bible, volunteer at a soup kitchen, journal my thoughts, etc. etc. All these things are true, but if you have never been depressed you don't realize that to do any of these things means to do them with cement shoes on, both physically and emotionally.
• Five, that someone will think that just because I have suicidal thoughts that I am planning to commit suicide and overreact.
• Six, that someone will tell me I am being selfish to even think such a thing. How would my family feel? How would my friends feel? Do they really believe I don't think about that every time a suicidal thought comes to my head?
• Seven, that someone will tell me that I have been set free in Jesus and I shouldn't feel this way. I just need to believe more, have more faith, get saved, get delivered . . . So, what, I failed at God, too?

If you want to help someone who suffers from depression, then listen and don't judge, walk beside and don't just point the way, and hear the things that aren't said. Sometimes we try to show others how bad we hurt without actually saying it. And then if you ask, we deny. So, ask again. You may succeed, you may not. Some people will still choose to end the pain. But, they don't choose lightly, and they don't do it to hurt you.

Suicide is sadness so deep you can't take another breath. Suicide is guilt so vast that you feel responsible for everything and everyone. Suicide is believing that those you love would be better off without you, even though you know it will hurt them. Suicide is being hopeless, no longer believing that you are worth it, that you deserve it, that you can climb out of the hole you are in yet once again. Suicide is shame, because you know you let everybody else down, too, not just yourself.

So, let's look back on my list of why I don't talk to you when I'm depressed and see how maybe we can respond differently to others who may feel the same way.

1. Because I'm Functioning: Even if I look like I have it all together, don't brush it aside if I say I'm sad, tired, whatever. Don't say I'm the most together person you know. Let me admit I'm not perfect. Ask me if there is anything you can do to help. I will probably say no, but I will appreciate that you let me be honest. And, I will feel a little bit better knowing that someone else knows how I'm feeling.
2. Because I’m AM grateful: Don't assume I'm not thankful for all I've been blessed with, that I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Don't make me feel even guiltier for the way I'm feeling. Maybe say you know I am a positive person, and that you know I appreciate all that I have. Maybe suggest we make a list together about the things we are most thankful for and focus on them together. Remind me of the good things, don't just tell me I need to be more grateful.
3. Because I know I’m not the only one with problems: If I open up to you, don't bring up your own problems, at least right away. Allow me to talk about my feelings without feeling guilty about them or believing they are insignificant. I know the world sucks for a lot of people. I wish I could make them all feel better. Chances are, when you've allowed me to say I'm sad, confused, hopeless, or just plain depressed, I'm probably going to ask you about yourself and try to make you feel better anyway!
4. Because I know I need to do something: I already know I need to take better care of myself in order to feel better; exercise, eat right, reach out, be creative . . . But, depression is a cycle. To feel better you need to do something, but you are too depressed to take the first step. You don't believe it will do any good even if you did. So, maybe ask to take a walk with me, maybe go to the soup kitchen with me to volunteer, maybe read a bible chapter with me. Don't just tell me what I need to do. I already know. I just can't right now, at least not on my own.
5. Because suicidal thoughts come with depression: When you suffer from depression you have thoughts of suicide. It doesn't mean you plan to do it. But, if I don't feel I can acknowledge those thoughts when I am not suicidal, how can I acknowledge them if I am actually contemplating it? Maybe if I can say the words out loud it will reinforce that I don't really want to do it. Or, maybe I will realize I am actually in the danger zone and ask for help. But, don't overreact if I just need to admit I have those kinds of thoughts.
6. Because I can’t handle you calling me selfish: Suicide is not selfish. I bet most people who committed suicide thought about the ones they were hurting right up until their final breath. I will tell you what selfishness is. Selfishness is people who step on other people to get ahead. Selfishness is people who lie about other people and ruin their reputations. Selfishness is people who cheat on other people to get what they want. Selfishness is people who say hurtful things in anger, who suck the dreams out of people they say they love, who take what they want no matter who they hurt, and who measure success only by money and position. And, yet, we allow those people to get away with it and say it's just the way they are. Then, when a sad, hopeless person ends their own suffering, we say they were so selfish. Don't ever say the word selfish to a depressed person. That just reinforces all the bad feelings they already have.
7. Because I already question my faith: Do you look at a person who is physically ill and question their faith the way you do someone who is depressed? I've seen people rally around the sick and pray with them and stand in faith with them. If they die anyway, they say God brought them home. But, when a person is discouraged or depressed, we tell them they need to believe more and be thankful more and think positive more, end of story. What if instead, we said we are going to believe with them for their healing from depression? Depression is not emotional, it's physical. Why would you condemn me for feeling hopeless when it has a physical root, but you wouldn't condemn me for feeling hopeless if I looked like I was ill? Don't make me feel like my faith is lacking, I already feel that way. To be condemned by God is the ultimate failure. It won't take much to push me over that edge if I'm severely depressed already.

Everyone handles depression differently. There are those who can no longer function in the real world, whose lives have become the depression. How sad. (Sometimes I wish I could just go to that place for awhile and rest, but I can't.) Some people are a danger to themselves or others and have to be treated differently. But, this is about those who suffer silently, who only share what they are going through when they feel safe from condemnation, judgment, over reaction, or, worse yet, lack of reaction. It's a fine line. We want help, but we don't want help. We want you to know, but we don't want you to know. We want rescued, but we don't want to admit we can't handle it ourselves.

Suicide is not selfishness, it's hopelessness. If you know somebody who committed suicide, don't ever believe that they didn't love you. They did. Don't believe they didn't know God. They probably talked to him and told him how sorry they were right up to their very last thought. Don't believe they were selfish, that they didn't care how much they hurt you. They knew. If they were selfish they wouldn't have waited as long as they did. But, when the hurt became so bad, and all hope was gone, and they believed you were better off without them, they finally made the choice to do what they believed was the only thing they could do. It wasn't your fault. You may have done everything right, but you couldn't make them have hope.

The only answer is Hope. When we have hope, we have vision. When we don't have hope, we can't see a future, we can't see a solution. Without a vision, the people perish. A person without hope doesn't want to hear that life will be perfect, or that everything will turn out for the best. But they do need to know that it is worth taking one more breath, then one more step, then one more leap, then one more climb, then one more journey, and then one more shot at the prize, until they find themselves living their lives again. They need to know it matters that they are in the world, that they make a difference. But, sometimes, the weight of what they've done, the hopelessness of their situation, is just too much to bear, no matter how much you love them.

Do I believe suicide is okay? Of course not. There is always hope. Suicide is never the answer. But, you know what? Murder is never the answer either, and yet we forgive murders. We say they acted in the heat of the moment and they now regret their decision. Adultery is never the answer, and yet we forgive the adulterer. We say they were tempted, but now they regret their decision. Theft is never the answer, and yet we forgive the thief. We say they were desperate and now they regret their decision. Why can't we forgive the one who takes their own life? Why can't we acknowledge they were overwhelmed and probably regret their decision, too? They just don't get the chance to tell us. People die of cancer all the time, and sometimes people die of depression. It's hard to understand, impossible to accept, but it is the truth. They didn't love you any less than the one who died of 'natural causes' did.

How can we give hope to the hopeless, even when it seems like they already have everything? How can we give hope to the hopeless when it seems like they don't have anything left to grab hold of? The truth is, we can't. Hope comes from God. We have Hope only because of God's unfailing, immeasurable, unconditional abiding Love for us. These three remain; Faith, Hope and Love. And the greatest of these is Love. If we live our faith, share our hope, and walk in His love, we have a chance to reach out and pull someone back. If we force our faith, hide our hope, and conditionalize His love, we don't.

In ourselves, we don't have all the right answers for someone who is depressed. We can only pray our lives point to the only One who gives Hope. Never underestimate God's Amazing Grace! He gives hope to the hopeless. When the hopeless grab hold of Hope again, they start to believe again, and they start to see a vision of the future again, because Faith is the substance of things Hoped for. And, it all begins with Love.

Unless you sit inside that person's shoes, feel that person's pain, know that person's udder lack of hope, you don't know anything. Suicide isn't being selfish. It's being hopeless. But, remember, even the tiniest spark of hope completely nullifies the word hopeless!!

Everybody has an opinion, everybody has a commentary. This just happens to be mine.

The Sound of Amazing Grace

AMAZING GRACE HOW SWEET THE SOUND

THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME

I ONCE WAS LOST, BUT NOW AM FOUND

WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE.

Many of us grew up with these comforting words and know them by heart. I heard this song in church, I heard it at funerals, I heard it played on the bagpipes and I even sang it to the tune of “The House of the Rising Sun” accompanied by my guitar. I've cried to the words, I've brushed off the words, I've clung to the words. Just recently, as I listened to my cousins sing them again at a memorial service, a new thought came to mind. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound? What does Amazing Grace sound like? Is there more to that line than just the comfort of hearing those two words spoken together?

My mind naturally goes to the sounds of nature; a babbling brook, the ocean waves, the wind in the trees, a meadowlark singing. All of these things remind me there is a God, there is a Creator who brought each of us, and all of this, into being. Have you ever noticed how troubles seem so much smaller when you sit at the beach and listen to the waves beat against the shore?

I hear Amazing Grace in a child's laughter, in an old man's wisdom, in a mother's lullaby. I hear Amazing Grace in the words, “I forgive you,” and “I will always love you, no matter what.” I hear Amazing Grace when a choir sings, when the thunder rolls, when the geese fly by on their way south. I hear Amazing Grace when I hear “The Star Spangled Banner”.

But, what about the times when it seems like there is no god, no justice, no reason for so much suffering? What about the times when we cry out and there is no answer? What about when a horrible tornado, mudslide, hurricane or earthquake devastates a whole community? What about when a child suffers at the hands of an evil adult? What about when war and rampage abound? What about when disease steals the life away from our bodies? What does Amazing Grace sound like then?

Listen carefully. It's still there!

A tough, muscled firefighter, digging for hours in the rubble, falls to his knees and weeps as he hears the voice of a survivor when all hope seemed lost. A community rallies around it's members when tragedy strikes, vowing to rebuild together. A young woman who just lost her husband to cancer comforts a stranger in the hospital waiting room. A father and a son speak to each for the first time in years as they stand together against the odds. A newborn baby cries with life in the midst of the bombs and the gunfire in a war torn country.

Hurt and sorrow and evil abound in a fallen world. But, even in the worst situations, a cry of victory, a call of hope, a whisper of forgiveness, a prayer of gratefulness can be heard. God is not afar, he is within. He is not uncaring, he wipes our tears. He is not slow to respond, he is always on time. It is our own lack of understanding of his love, his Amazing Grace, that leaves us afraid and angry. If we truly grasped this perfect, unfailing, 'only the best for us' kind of love, we would hold tight to that anchor and know that we are never out of his sight.

Just because I may feel alone doesn't mean I am. Just because I may feel forsaken doesn't make it true. Just because I lose faith doesn't make God unfaithful. Just because I don't hear Amazing Grace in my circumstances doesn't mean it isn't there. Maybe I'm just not listening for the right thing.

Maybe I believe Amazing Grace only sounds like the galloping hooves of the white horse Jesus is riding in on to take away my problems. Maybe I am so focused on rescue from my storm that I miss the sound of his Amazing Grace giving me comfort and courage in the midst of the storm, and the strength to make it through the storm.

If God loves us, why doesn't he intervene? Why does he allow bad to happen? Why can't I feel him with me? Mere words can never answer these questions; only relationship can. In the midst of pain we can't always hear his Amazing Grace. But, when we look back, we can see how God brought us through, as long as we don't grow hard and bitter in the process.

I don't understand it. I admit it. I've gotten mad at God, accused God of injustice, and turned from God. But, he has never turned from me. I'm a rescuer. I know if God gave me the power that I would rescue everybody, but that isn't always the most loving thing to do. As I look back, I realize I am better because he didn't rescue me from some things. There are still a few things I don't feel that way about yet, but it's his omnipotence, not my understanding, that matter.

He is God and I am not. That is the only answer I have. The longer I live on this earth, the more I understand that concept. The more I understand, the closer I get to trusting him in everything. The closer I get to trusting him, the closer I get to believing he really does love me and really does have a plan for good and not for harm for me. I think when we are able to truly, deep in our hearts, (bypassing our brains), down to our very core believe he loves us, we will always be able to hear his Amazing Grace. My prayers now are less about 'getting' from God, and more about truly knowing his love and Amazing Grace.

Am I there yet? Heck no. Not even close. I'm still whining and listening for thundering white horse hooves most of the time! While I totally believe in miracles, and would gladly accept one if it came, I am more willing now to say ''Don't rescue me if you have a better plan for me!' I think Jesus put it, “Not my will, but thine be done.”

Ultimately, the sound of Amazing Grace will welcome us to heaven and our struggles here on earth will be over. We will walk with, and talk with, and abide with Amazing Grace Himself forever.

In the meantime, I believe God's plan is that the sound of his Amazing Grace should come through us, through ME! If I choose to speak with kindness, if I choose to encourage, if I choose to say 'I forgive you', isn't that truly the sound of God's Amazing Grace in action? If I choose to cry with someone whose heart is broken, isn't that the sound of Amazing Grace in action? If I choose to sing songs of praise in the midst of sorrow, isn't that the sound of Amazing Grace in action? If I choose to overlook the anger and the hatred and the fear in a lost soul's eyes and tell them about Jesus, isn't that Amazing Grace in action?

Maybe, just maybe, if we spend more time living Amazing Grace, the world will realize how sweet the sound of Amazing Grace really is!  

My Perspective on Perspective!

PERSPECTIVE

Perspective is an interesting concept. There are multiple meanings for the word itself, but I want to focus on the mental perspective of the word perspective. I'm talking about the thought process, the emotional view point, the justification we feel when we judge someone or something. Webster defines perspective as “the interrelation in which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed (places the issues in proper perspective); the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance (trying to maintain my perspective).”

We've all heard the adage of seeing the glass half empty or half full. One person will be disappointed because the glass is only half empty. One will be optimistic because it's half full. This is where the story, and therefore the lesson, typically ends. We can be happy or sad, we can be thankful or angry, we can be victimized or energized, all by our perspective of a glass being half full or half empty. This is a very narrow perspective, in my perspective.

I have observed in my short life of over a half a century that a room full of people observing the same glass of water will always walk away with a room full of perspectives. That's what makes relationships so interesting! A husband and a wife arguing over the toothpaste tube will rehash the event differently later with their marriage counselor. Commentators on CNN and FOX News air their 'unbiased' perspectives after a presidential debate and sound totally different from each other. Adult siblings reminisce about a family vacation and all have a different perspective on whether it was a good or bad experience.

Let's say there are six random people, of the same age group, gender, tax bracket and religious orientation who are asked to wait in a room, with no idea why they are there or how long it will take. Since I'm the blogger here, we will have six middle aged, middle class, Protestant women summoned to the IRS office, (it is tax day after all!!) with no clear understanding of why they are there. They are just asked to sit at the table and wait.

First let's set the stage:

• Lucy's story: Lucy has cheated on her taxes for the last three years, claiming her cat Steven as a dependent . She is sure the IRS is coming after her. She hates the IRS.
• Mary's story: Mary does everything by the book. She's sure she has never done anything wrong on her taxes, but still she worries that she might have inadvertently done something wrong. She respects the IRS.
• Sue's story: Sue is sure that her soon to be ex-husband has done something stupid and she is being dragged into the middle of it. She fears the IRS.
• Kim's story: Kim has a deadline to meet in her office. She can't believe today of all days this had to happen. She is annoyed by the IRS.
• Sally's story: Sally's mother is failing. The hospital wants to talk to Sally about moving her to Hospice. Sally's not ready for her mother to leave her. She could care less about the IRS.
• Jane's story: Jane just came from Pilates, after attending morning Bible study. She is volunteering at the homeless shelter later and hopes this won't make her late. She tolerates IRS.

At first it is quiet, each smiling politely at the others, hoping they will be called in first and get out of there as soon as possible. After a few minutes, Mary, a cheery outgoing sort, asks if anyone else knows why they are there. Sue and Jane shake their heads and converse with Mary about it. Lucy, who is irritated already, tunes them out and taps her fingers on the table. Kim and Sally smile but don't engage. Time ticks on. The room is stuffy. Sally begins to fan herself with her pocketbook.

Finally, an official looking woman dressed in a black suit walks in, but instead of calling a name, she simply sets a half glass of water in the middle of the table and tells them someone will be with them shortly. She leaves.

How will each woman's current situation affect her perspective? What about her past experiences or her genetic disposition? From what you know about each woman, can you predict who is in the half empty crowd? You may be surprised. Time for some perspective!

• Lucy: 'Why did that woman leave a half empty glass of water at a table with six hot and thirsty women. Isn't it just like the IRS to waste time and money on something that isn't good for anyone!! If they weren't so greedy, I wouldn't have to cheat on my taxes in the first place. You can't trust the government. There's probably a spy device in the water allowing the IRS to hear what we are saying to use it against us.'
• Mary: 'That's odd. I wonder why she would leave a half full glass of water on the table. Maybe she is coming back with some fresh flowers to put in it. That would be nice. It would definitely cheer up this drab room. Even if she doesn't, it has given us something new to talk about!'
• Sue: 'I wonder why she put a half full glass of water on the table. It's not enough for six thirsty women. Maybe a glass of water in a room does something to make it less stuffy. I think I already feel a difference. I'll have to remember this trick. After I clobber my husband, that is!'
• Kim: 'Really? A half empty glass of water? We've been here over 30 minutes and she didn't even tell us how much longer it will be. If they don't hurry up I'm going to lose my job and then see how much tax money they can squeeze out of me!'
• Sally: 'Oh, how nice. I don't know what a half full glass of water will do for us, but it was very thoughtful. I wonder if anyone has given my mother a glass of water. I need to get to the hospital.'
• Jane: 'A half empty glass of water? That isn't enough to hydrate a snail. I'm going to take it before someone else does. I deserve it more than they do. It probably won't make any difference. I will still need 7 ½ more FULL glasses of water today. With all that I do to keep myself fit and to help others, I deserve better than this!'

It turns out Lucy and Mary are just who they appear to be. Lucy is angry and defensive on the outside as well as on the inside. Mary is cheery and engaging and truly sees the good in a situation. Our initial perspective was pretty accurate. But, do we really know the whole story for either of these women?

Sue is not happy with her current situation, but that doesn't mean she sees life as a whole in a negative light. Kim is seeing the glass half empty today because she is stressed out. But, do we know if she is normally a person with a positive outlook? Can we judge either of these woman by one day's perspective?

Sally appears sad, but she is still able to feel gratitude and concern for others. Jane appears on the outside to have it all together and to care about those less fortunate, but on the inside she is selfish and judgmental.

Now let's say the lady in black comes back in and hands each of them a $100 bill, thanks them for coming in and tells them they are free to leave. How do you think they will react, based on your new perspective? Who will complain because they will have to claim it on their taxes? Who will think it wasn't worth their time? Who will keep it a secret and spend it on themselves? Who will give it to someone less fortunate? Can we really know? Can half empty people be grateful? Can half full people be ungrateful? Did you recognize your own attitude in any of these women?

We've heard that first impressions are usually accurate, and maybe they are. But, that doesn't mean we shouldn't dig a little deeper before locking in on our perspective of someone else. We should never vote or appoint someone to a position of leadership or honor based on perspective only. We need to base it on true character and merit. Too often those who appear attractive and charismatic on the outside overshadow those with the most knowledge or most dedication on the inside. Some people actually have both, some have neither. If we don't look deeper than our initial perspective, we will probably nominate Kim for citizen of the year, and overlook Sally, who quietly gives from the heart with no regard for recognition.

Let's not narrow our perspective when it comes to human character. Let's expand it and test it, and start with ourselves!! In the Bible Jesus told us to take the plank out of our own eye before worrying about the little sliver in someone else's. Imagine how much more perspective our perspective could have if we just looked inward before we looked outward!!

And, that's my perspective on the matter!

My First Blog (For the Second Time!)

To blog, or not to blog? That is a question for these modern times. There is an array of social and cyber networks out there where we can say whatever it is we want to say with very little accountability for how we say it. We have 24/7 news and sports stations where dead air is avoided by allowing everyone who can fill a time slot to state their opinion . . . . about everything! There are blogs and posts and tweets and forums for anybody to spout off . . . about anything! The internet is filled with sites that portray so many of these sentiments as facts, making it difficult sometimes to actually come up with our own opinions!

Politicians and public figures go on television and on Twitter to state their views, believing their status in life somehow makes what they have to say valid. I don’t know about you, but I get tired of hearing them argue their personal opinions on FOX News, CNN, NBC, BBC, ABC and even ESPN! I want the news, I want the facts, and I want a little commentary.  But, I when I have to listen to everybody’s perspective about a tragic event, for instance, and hear them throw stones from their own glass houses, I start tuning them all out. I find that I no longer have as much empathy for the situation as I should have. Is that the price of opinion overkill?

Didn't anyone else grow up believing that we shouldn’t pop off about every little thought that comes into our heads? I for one still believe it’s prudent to ‘sleep on it’ or ‘count to ten’ before confronting an issue. What about the old adage of writing a letter and then waiting a day before we send it? If we still feel the same way after some time to cool off, then stick it in the mail. Chances are we end up realizing most of what we wrote was just emotion muddling up the actual point we wanted to make. We need to pick our battles. If we go off about everything, nobody will hear us when we really do have something to say.

Contemplation seems to be a long forgotten, but still very important, tool in communication. I strongly believe that when we need to stand up for what we believe in, or need to make a valid point, we should speak up. But, sometimes it’s better to hold our tongue (or our tweet or our post!) until we can say what we need to say without ‘putting our footeth in our moutheth’, or damaging a relationship (or a career!) beyond repair. In the Bible, the Book of Proverbs tells us that even a fool is thought wise if he doesn’t open his mouth!

That being said, welcome to my blog! LOL! I guess the world still has room for one more perspective, right? Many of you have told me you miss reading the things I used to post on Facebook, so I have decided to create this blog. That way those who want to read what I have to say can, and those who don’t want to don’t have to! Hopefully you will find some of what I write here to be thought provoking, and maybe even a little humorous, and always straight from my heart.  (Most likely it will leave you wondering what kind of voices I am hearing in my head!)

So, is there a point to my very first blog? Why, yes, there is, and thanks for asking! The world is full of endless commentary and opinions; some helpful, some hurtful and some just a waste of time! We each have the ability to take control of what we listen to and allow into our minds, and we should take control of what we say, or tweet, or post, or blog about what we have on our minds!

As we walk through this life together, remember that we are all entitled to our opinions, but that kindness should always govern the way we state them! We all should take to heart the lesson Thumper’s mother taught him: ‘If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all!’