Sadness

SADNESS

Sadness; I’m so tired of sadness permeating through my veins and into my brain.

Sadness; it seems to be a cloud that follows me wherever I go.

Sadness; what’s weird about it is that I really don’t think that way.

I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.

Sadness; I’m so tired of sadness waking me up every morning of every day.

Sadness; it defines me, distracts me and makes me depressed

Sadness; what’s crazy is that I actually do look optimistically at things,

I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.

Sadness; I’m so tired of sadness shadowing every conversation or action or plan

Sadness; it hides behind every smile and every laugh and only I know it.

Sadness; what’s baffling is that I truly love my life and the person I am

I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.

Sadness; I’m so tired of it being a constant subconscious companion and guide

Sadness; it clouds my joy and binds my hopes from becoming realities

Sadness; what’s confusing is that I can still perform and function in life somehow

I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.

Sadness; I’m so tired of not being able to overcome its grip on my soul

Sadness;, it shows itself in weariness and compulsiveness more than in tears

Sadness; what’s amazing is the times it has left  me, whether by sunshine or pills

I’m so grateful, I’m so blessed, and someday, I hope I won’t be so sad.

By Tanya Phillips June 2010

I wrote this 5 1/2 years ago. I still feel this way. I have had good things and bad things happen over that time. I have been blessed. But, even in the up times, I feel like I am shrouded by sadness. I'm so  tired.  But i'm still here. 

I’m grateful, I’m blessed, and yet, above all that, I’m still so sad.